Five year plan

If your introduction to Tik Tok was through the lyrics of Kesha, you’re probably experiencing the phase of life where everyone suddenly starts speaking with plurals.The usual suspects, ‘we’re pregnant’, ‘we’re engaged’, ‘we’re excited to announce…’ etc.

This era also adds an additional layer of vetting on social media to decipher whether the plastic device with two lines is a positive pregnancy test, or COVID-19 result. 

I was at dinner with a girlfriend last week and time started to catch up and confuse us. I was certain she was 31, I even would have assumed 30, but her 30th birthday is forever etched in my memory. She is the only person I’ve ever known to rally a team to run a half marathon for her milestone birthday. Unsure of her own age, she pulled out a calculator and confirmed she was 33 this year.

During the conversations of her wedding plans for December, we started to reminisce on what life was like just a few years earlier. Romanticising the memories of spontaneity, being able to party until 2am and still get up for 6am run club and have accepted the fate of renting forever. 

The themes of your life change quickly once you start to hit this phase. The odds of winning the lotto and being able to select a date in the same month to catch up with your group of friends are scarily similar.

You watch girlfriends meticulously calculate the number of drinks they’ve had at lunch, not because they’ve got a few hours in the office afterwards – but they need to assess what time they can breastfeed again. You start to question caffeine after midday, know a surprising amount about the importance of gut health, and have a nighttime routine.

Things start to have to make sense. Planning extends beyond what your agenda is from Friday night to Sunday afternoon, decisions start to hold more weight and you begin to oscillate between ‘YOLO’ and ‘does this align to my five year plan?’

You also start to question if the acronyms you use are still relevant and start to reckon with the fact that maybe it isn’t appropriate to verbally respond with ‘lol’  during face to face conversations instead of laughing. 

The charm naivety fades as the expectation of competence grows.

So, consolidate your debt and superannuation accounts to avoid paying excessive interest and fees (while you’re at it check if you have income protection). Set up a payment plan for any fines and if they’re from tolls, open an E-Tag account to claim cash back. Regularly review your subscription services, and try to practice mindfulness as you navigate the inevitable waves of existential dread.